Every person has a different idea of what they want in a partner. However, there are some basic expectations that everyone should have.
This includes being financially stable, looking your best, and having some type of spirituality. In addition, people need to be able to discuss topics like politics, religion and family.
1. You’re too needy
When it comes to relationships, love and neediness are a good thing, but too much of both can be toxic. If you’re constantly texting, calling or checking in, want your partner around all the time, and post intimate details of your relationship on social media, you may be too needy.
While you don’t need to stop wanting your partner, it is healthy to have some independence and pursue other hobbies. Also, if you’re afraid of being alone or have insecurities, talk to your partner about them so that you can work through these issues together.
It’s important to recognize that some of what people label as needy behaviors come from unresolved emotional wounds and unmet needs. Speaking to a mental health professional can help you identify these causes and create healthier boundaries in your relationship. This will ultimately lead to a happier, more fulfilling and lasting marriage. You can learn more about this in our blog, Emotional Wounds & Relationships.
3. You’re afraid of commitment
Many people who struggle with commitment phobia are afraid of losing their independence. Even if they have strong feelings for someone, they may fear taking that next step. “People who are struggling with this issue will often start a relationship and assume it’s not going to work,” Masini says. “They have a preconceived idea that the relationship will end up like their last one.”
Of course, wanting to date casually and avoid long-term relationships doesn’t necessarily mean you’re afraid of commitment. But if you find yourself struggling to connect emotionally with your partners, it’s worth looking into whether or not you have commitment fears. A therapist can help you examine your feelings in a judgment-free way and offer support. If you’re ready to address your commitment phobia, you can begin dating again with confidence and ease. This will ultimately lead to a happier, more fulfilling relationship for you. It’s worth the effort! The alternative is a life of unhappiness and regret.
4. You’re self-sabotaging
Often, the fear of intimacy and self-sabotage in relationships stem from challenges you have experienced in past relationships, either during childhood or adulthood. These patterns can be difficult to recognize and stop if you don’t know what causes them, but in-person or online therapy can help you understand the root cause. For instance, if you are always critical of your partner or have unreasonable expectations, you may sabotage the relationship by convincing yourself the person is not good for you.
You might also be sabotaging the relationship by refusing to talk through problems or engaging in hurtful behaviors, such as cheating. This is often a way of avoiding vulnerability, and it can create serious trust issues in future relationships. If you have trouble tolerating closeness, you may repeatedly end your relationships before they can reach a healthy stage. This is called romantic self-sabotage, and it can be hard to break if you aren’t willing to take the time to address it.
